God is telling me something. Over and over. Does this ever happen to you? A theme . . . a message that just keeps coming up. This time, it seems to be at great frequency.
The last couple of Sundays that we’ve attended church, the idea that we should be using our talents to serve God has been the focus. 1 Corinthians 5-31 was discussed, and it is a wonderful illustration of how we all have different talents and abilities . . . spiritual gifts, that we all serve a different purpose as a part of a larger body – the body of Christ. I wanted to include the entire passage, but it is quite long for a post.
Both weeks, I found myself thinking about my gifts, and how I could be using them better.
People come to me for advice. I think it’s because I’ve learned to be a good listener, not always jumping to immediately tell them what they should do. I generally ask them more questions to help them to come to their own conclusions. When I started college, I thought I wanted to be a therapist. I took a different direction, and got a Master’s in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. I/O Psychology is the study of people in the workplace – Human Resources from a research perspective. Even before the messages at church, I had been thinking about becoming a licensed counselor, even contacting a University about what would be involved with earning another Master’s degree, and obtaining a license.
But, in this world, it seems to always come down to time and money, doesn’t it? Just two years of school is very expensive these days, even for an online degree. I work full-time, and we need my income. Working full-time and going to school with two young kids. . . I suppose it’s possible, but I would miss too much time with my kids. That is something I’m just not willing to do.
I could take loans, but is that a road I want to go down, at 45? I already did that at 22, and it took me 10 years to pay them off. Do I want to put my family in that situation? Probably not.
Is that the license I want anyway? Perhaps Biblical Counseling. I completed an online inquiry. They have tried to call a couple of times, but I haven’t answered. What’s the point? Nothing has changed.
So, maybe that’s not it. At least not right now.
Last Sunday, a video was played of an interview with the Worship Team’s drummer. I can sing. Maybe I’m supposed to pursue becoming a member of the Worship Team. But they have so many. I’m probably not needed. But, the Pastor had elaborated on 1 Corinthians 12:21: “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ Or again, the head can’t say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!'”
One should not think that other members of the church don’t need us, or we don’t need them. But, then there’s the anxiety of singing in front of so many people. Am I good enough? Can I do it? Is this where I’m needed? I just don’t know.
Tuesday morning, I thought maybe it’s the blog. Maybe I’m already using my writing talent. But, then why would God be putting this on my heart if I’m already doing it? I blog about a number of things. Maybe I’m supposed to devote it totally to faith.
When I lack clarity, I often tell God that I am a knucklehead, and if He’s trying to lead me somewhere, I need Him to spell it out for me. Then I felt that was a cop-out. I felt that God was telling me, “I gave you a brain. I expect you to use it. Do your part.” But, still, no answers were forthcoming.
Am I to write a book? Get a new job? Volunteer? Use my gifts where I am right now?
On Tuesday, it came up again. This time on K-LOVE. Luis Palau (love him) talked about the same scripture passage. We don’t have to be Pastors to use our gifts. We should spread the gospel, no matter our profession.
And again, on Tuesday night. This time, in a very unexpected place.
I’ve been borrowing a dramatic series from the library, “A Place to Call Home.” The series takes place in Australia. The Blighs, a wealthy family, are at the center. The matriarch, Elizabeth, is quite a nasty character in the beginning. By the end of Season Two, she has changed her ways. As she says, a mirror has been held up to her face.
In Season Three she volunteers at a soup kitchen for veterans. She tries to serve food, but she finds herself ill-equipped in this role. As she’s leaving the man who runs the program asks, “Shall I put you on the roster?
Elizabeth replies, “I don’t think so, Mr. Goddard. I don’t think I’m of much use.”
Days later, she arrives as a piano is being delivered, which she arranged. She begins to play and sing. One of the men, whose speech was incoherent in the earlier scene, begins to sing.
“I’ve never seen the men so happy. So . . . engaged. I’ve told you, of course, I make sure they’re fed. But, this was living. They were alive!”
What she did was beautiful. She was obviously nervous when she started; she was well outside of her comfort zone. But she found the courage, and she found a way to use her gifts to make a difference.
I still have not figured out exactly what I am supposed to be doing, but I have faith that it will come. I’m anxious to find out what lessons I will learn on this journey.